The Funny things kids say.

The Funny Things Kids Say

Funny Quotes by Children



The Funny Things Kids Say

In all their innocents, kids can come out with the most memorable quotes. Here are just a few our boys have come out with over the years. 

For me, the beginning of September marks the transition between summer and autumn. Whilst the days aren’t as long, they are still long enough to enjoy an early evening on the seafront, whether permitting. And this was one of those evenings.
We always end up in the same place whenever we want to go for a leisurely stroll. There is a lake, some eateries, a toilet (for when, not if needed), and most importantly, a park.
The park is split into three sections; a park for toddlers, in the middle is a splash pool, and then there is an adventure park. Within the adventure park is a zip-wire, and it is from here that our funny quote comes from.
Because Joshua isn’t quite tall enough to get onto the zip-wire, he needs a helping hand. He’ll jump at the same time as I lift him, then he will wrap his legs around the seat, hold on tight, and yell all the way to the end.
Getting off also requires a team effort, only this time, he decides to get off by himself. 
“Och! That hurt.” Not being tall enough, Joshua tried to get off the seat by jumping those few inches he short by. But as he did, the seat sprung back up and caught him between the legs. “That hurt my goolies.” 
As he handed the seat to the next child in the queue, Joshua decided to offer a bit of advice.
“There you go,” he said. “Just be careful, though, they could hurt your goolies.” As he said that, the child’s Dad laughed, I put my head in my hands with embarrassment but Mum laughed and reminded him of something he already knew. 
“Joshua, girls don’t have goolies!”
With that, he turned to me, pointed to the girl by putting his thumb over his shoulder (as he had his back to her by now) and said “well that’s lucky then, because it can’t hurt her like it hurt me, eh Dad?”
With that, he decided he had taken enough pain for one day, and went to try something else.
Just another trip to the park. 

On a recent family holiday to Cornwall, we decided to take a day trip to one of our favourite attractions, The Eden Project. This time of year can be especially rewarding with most of the plants either being in full bloom or ready to harvest.
The Eden Project - Cornwall

The Eden Project – Cornwall

Although The Eden Project can be a great day out, it can also be very tiring, especially for young legs. And with a free bus service being offered between the entrance and the main carparks, it can sometimes be a frustrating walk back to your car.

But, because we had been before, we knew that if we arrived when the doors opened (or just before), we would be able to get a parking space near to the entrance, making our walk back to the car a bit more bearable.

However, a full days walking had got the better of the boys and they started to bicker, so, I walked with Joshua whilst my wife walked with Harrison.

Halfway up the ascent, Harrison stopped in his tracks, sat down and said ‘Mum, I’m tired, can you carry me?’ Now, there was no way on this earth that my wife would have been able to carry him up the hill and, after spending three and a half hours body-boarding the day before, I was feeling a tad sore myself.

As I walked over to Harrison to try and coax him up, he stood up all by himself, raised his arms in the air and said ‘yeah’. He thought I was going to pick him up like I always do.

“I’m sorry Harrison, but I can’t lift you up. I’m all sore. Besides, our car is only up on the first level.” As I offered him my hand, he looked at me, put his arms out and said…

“What? You’ve got to be kidding me?”

The poor man that was sitting down on the bench behind him almost spat his coffee out whilst trying to retain his laughter.

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We, on the other hand, seized the moment and laughed all the way back to the car. A memorable end to a fantastic day out.

Posted: 31-08-15

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Saying the word ‘holiday’ to a child is like saying ‘walkies’ to a dog. There follows such excitement, you try your hardest not to make it obvious to them what is going on until absolute necessary.

A week before our departure date was all we managed this year and it wasn’t long before I was asked ‘Dad, can you get our cases down from the loft, please?’

Holding out wasn’t easy but I did manage to do so, right up to the morning before our departure. What a result!

Once the cases were down, it didn’t take long before everything but the kitchen sink was tightly packed into each of the boys suitcases. And I have to say, they must have spent the whole week planning what they were going to pack because before 07.00am that Friday morning, both boys had packed each of their suitcases. I was quite impressed.

Now, when my wife goes into the office, she will always phone at about 07.30am each morning for a catch-up and a morning chat. Once Joshua had finished talking, he handed the phone over to Harrison and the conversation went something like this…

Mum: So, what have you been up to this morning?
Harrison: I’ve packed my bag, ready for our holiday.
Mum: Oh, have you?
Harrison: Yes, look!

And with that, he unzipped his bag, put the handset in the suitcase, took a step back, put his arms in the air and said ‘see Mum. Can you see that?’

Feeling very pleased with his achievement, he then took the phone out of the bag and asked ‘did you see that Mummy?’

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Kids getting to grip’s with technology really can produce the funniest of conversations.

Posted: 24-08-15

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I’m not sure how many times you have to tell your kids not to do something,  but you just know they’re going to continue doing stuff until they discover for themselves why you’ve told them not to do it.

Joshua has a bad habit of using the side of the bath as a step to get himself into it at bath time. He has been told, a number of times not to do it. But, like most kids do, he often gives us the reply, ‘I’ll be careful dad.’

Today was the day that he wasn’t, and he slipped into the bath.

There was an almighty bang as he hit his knee on the way down, head first, into the water. As he hit the water, as you can imagine, it went everywhere. But it broke his fall.

A little shaken up at what had happened, he was able to get himself out of the bath and sat down on the floor, nursing his knee. I quickly wrapped a towel around him and asked him if he was okay.

‘And that’s why you shouldn’t stand on the side of the bath’ he replied. ‘I won’t be doing that again, that’s for sure.’

Now, any other bathtime and he would have been told off for the amount of water on the floor, but these circumstances were different.

But, as mum started the mop up operation, he suddenly comes out with, ‘well, look on the bright side. At least you won’t have to clean the bathroom for about two weeks.’

I think I’d rather clean the bathroom more often than go through that again. Let’s just hope he truly learnt why not to use the side of the bath as a step.

Posted: 26-07-15

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This week, Harrison had his end of year, day trip out, to Marwell Zoo. He had been looking forward to it since his older brother had had his, four weeks earlier. With me being the full-time dad, I had the privilege of going with him.

We were under strict instructions to ensure we were on time or face losing our ticket. So, not wanting to be late, we set off with a bit of time on our hand.

By the time we arrived, I was desperate to use the loo. However, because we had arrived early, everywhere was shut.

Before we got out of the car, I explained to Harrison…

‘Harrison, once we get inside the park, we need to go straight to the toilet.’
‘But I don’t need a wee’ he replied, rather puzzled.
‘No, but I do.’ Harrison then turned around to me and said…
‘Silly Daddy. You should have gone before we came out, shouldn’t you?’
I looked at him, not knowing whether to laugh or comment on his observation. My look must have said it all because he then continued…
‘But Dad, that’s what you’re always telling me and Josh, isn’t it?’

By this point, I was trying not to pee my pants with laughter.

Posted: 27-06-15

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On the way back from a recent trip to Tesco, not being able to wait until we got home for lunch, Harrison decided to tuck into the baguette that was put in the front of the car to prevent it from being squashed.

Once we had got home, I looked at all the crumbs that had accumulated on both him and his seat.

“Oh Harrison, now look at the mess.” He looked at me in a rather puzzled way.
“What Daddy? What Mess?” he replied as he shrugged his shoulders and put his hands out as he said it.
“All those crumbs, they’re everywhere.”
“Oh! No problem.”

He got out of his chair, stood in the footwell and brushed himself down.

Looking please with himself, Harrison stretched his arm out, pointed to himself, then his chair and said “Dah-dah. There you go, sorted.”

I didn’t have the heart to then complain about the mess that had now been created in the footwell of the car. I just got the hoover out instead and chuckled to myself whilst cleaning up yet more mess the boys had managed to produce in their innocents.

Posted: 22-06-15

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With the child locks being on, the boys can sometimes be a little impatient when it comes to being let out. This is what they had to say today after we had parked up and opened the doors to let them out…

My wife opened the door to Joshua and was met with a groan followed by an “at last”. She then walked around the car to let Harrison out and was met by “I know how they make babies I do!”

Needless to say, the conversation was left at the door.


Joshua was watching the television. Scooby Doo had just finished and the adverts came on. He got up, then sat down under the chimney, looked up and said…

“Ho Ho (Santa), where’s my tree and where are my presents?”  

Another hard day at preschool.
“Where’s Daddy?” Joshua asks Mummy, “at home” Mummy replies. “Can you ring him to come and get me, I’m tired.”

 The night before Lucy had made up a story instead of reading it out of one of his books.
“Do you want a story?” asks mummy. “Yes but not out of your mouth, I want it from a book.”

Joshua had just had his hair cut, looked down on the floor when the lady had finished and came out with the following:
Can I have my hair back now please?”

I love it when they start learning words
“I’m not going to crap (clap) anymore.”

Joshua’s excuse when he was told off for hitting me.
“That wasn’t me, that was my hand.”

Although he often comes out with this saying, he will always wipe his head after he has said it. Too much Scooby Do I think!
“Phew, that was close”

Yet another Scooby Doo saying that often gets repeated.

“Let’s get out of here.”

Joshua pulls his finger out of his nose, looks at the end of it and turns to me and said
We had just been trying to teach Joshua to share his toys, but that was all.

“Are you going to eat your dinner?” I asked Joshua, no reply. “Are you going to eat your dinner?” I asked again. Still no answer. Then Joshua comes out with “I not speak, I got a cough.”

We can all be good from time to time.
“Good boy Daddy. You get a gold star.”

Just one of the many excuses why Joshua doesn’t want to go to Pre-school.
“I not want to go to school, my teacher scares me (sorry Mrs. Baker!).”

It amazes me how a three-year-old can learn how to blame other people at such a young age.
“Nothing, it wasn’t me.”

I’m sure there will be plenty more where these came from so be sure to revisit!
If your child has said something funny (I’m quite sure they would have done), why not leave it in the comments box below?
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